Going backwards again to catch up to now...

Well, this most recent hiatus from blogging wasn't a planned one.  I didn't need a break to refuel my brain, nor was I pondering the merits of sharing much of my life publicly like in the past.  This time around it was because my summer became very busy since my last entry.  I could say I was running in different directions, but that would make it sound as if I didn't have focus, nor purpose.   I actually had a life this summer with an extra dose of purpose and focus!  What a deal!

When I closed my July 17th entry, my goal was to pick it back up and share some aerials of Hamlet, NC.  At that time, my husband and I had hoped to fly again over Hamlet to add to a collection of photos I shot during an early a.m. flight on July 5th.  But, we've yet to fly above Hamlet since then.  Between the winds and our schedules, it just hasn't happened.

I do have some news about the Hamlet Historic Depot Museum, though, where he and I are both volunteers.  Recently, I became their newest board member and right away was given the task along with another volunteer to revamp the web site.  Holy Hallelujah!!!  This is a responsibility I'm elated over and just can't wait to get rolling on it.  It's been a hurry up and wait ordeal for the past 6 weeks, but not for much longer.  There have been some details we needed to work out before a sorely needed face lift could begin, and some actual, like for real, content added.  Thankfully, as of tomorrow we'll have those details out of the way.  So, our project will soon get underway. Yay! Yay! Yay! 

For me, this is much of a heart string project.  I love the Hamlet Depot -- every single inch of the amazing Victorian structure built in 1900 by the Seaboard Airline Rail Road.  My family roots on my mom's side ties to the old SAL RR and that incredible building.  I have memories of it going back to age four, and my mom's memories of it, also go back to age four.  She's 90 now.  So, you can just imagine!

I could share stories my grandfather and uncle shared with all of we grandkids/nieces & nephews over the years, but I'd be at my keyboard forever, if I did.  So, suffice it to say, my goal for the new web site is to reflect the utter beauty and unique history of the Hamlet Depot, and show it off as the jewel it truly is.  Not only in Richmond County, but in NC, along the eastern Seaboard, as well, as in the U.S.  It's the only depot like it in the entire world.  One little known fact, is that the original architect, if there was one, remains unknown. It's a love for many a train enthusiast I've met over the past few years.  And is also quite the vantage point to watch, photograph and film trains as they travel by, or into the nearby freight yard.  Hamlet Crossing is known to countless train watchers from... believe it or not, around the country and even Canada.  I've actually met more people train watching, who could care less about the Depot.  It doesn't strike me as unsual one little bit.  In it's heyday four tracks and twenty-one passenger trains rolled through Hamlet daily.  Now, it's one track, east, west, north and south, with two going into the freight yard.  Yet, the appeal of the trains is still very captivating to train lovers young and old.

Also, at some point in the future, there's another train related project even more important to me.  One which is a heart string project of epic proportions to a cousin of mine and I.  One we hope to do to honor our family at some point in the very near future.  Particularly, we want to honor our Monroe roots and our grandparents and our mothers and our mothers' siblings.  We've back burnered it for a few years as we've needed to get the proper funding for our vision to come to fruition.  It's so special that it's always in the back of my mind, yet when it's not, it's in the forefront.  I've been praying about it steadfastly, and by faith, I believe we are closer than ever now to making it happen.  The funding hasn't happened yet, but I'm sensing the timing is just about right now.  So, we shall see how God's hand works to tie everything together.  He's aware time is of the essence.  He's aware of the need.  He's aware of its historical merit.  We stand ready, when He gives us the green light.  Yet, the more prayer on our behalf, the better.  If anyone would desire to know more, please feel free to write to me privately.

At the end of this entry, I'll share a slide show of the photos I took on the ground and in air on July 5th.  A few of the shots are really unique and a couple I've received compliments from critics who rarely give me a pat on back for any of my pictures, so it must have been a good shoot, overall.  It'll be a repeat for my friends on Facebook, but I also use this blog to log the flights my husband and I take for several reasons.  One is to record our flights for him, more than me, actually.  No matter how good or how bad my pictures are, my husband loves them and he loves re-living our flights over and over again.  He's always complimentary of my photo taking ability.  I also log our flights here in pictures to keeping a running history of some of our best times together -- it's a memory keeping place for me.  One he can easily find his way to, and share with others if anything ever happened to me.  I'm blessed because often when he shares about our flights and the pics I take, he shares about my challenges with Epilepsy, too.  And how God has helped me use photography to rewire some areas in my brain that need it.

A little more playing catch up...

This summer, a new Springer love came into lives by the name of Roxy.  She's absolutely precious and was another meant to be rescue and keeper for us.  She's blended into our Springer pack perfectly, but she's become like a guardian angel to me, seriously.  She has Epilepsy, too.  And her original owner called a kill shelter to pick her up and requested them to euthanize her.  Although, the uncaring owner had not seen fit to even try treating her for seizures.  Much less, take her to her vet for assessment.  Fortunately, God had other plans for Roxy, and sent a very caring Animal Control Officer to pick her up.  The moment he laid eyes on her, he knew she was destined to have a new future.  Once he clarified the former owner's wishes, he said he couldn't get out of there fast enough.  From there, he contacted the Head of Animal Control and Shelter Manager for his area, and he also fell in love with Roxy immediately.  She's so pretty and petite, it's hard not to fall head over heels for her.  He made a snap decision not to put her into the shelter.  Instead, he arranged for foster care.  It was a couple of days before ESRA became involved and my husband and I were asked to go "pull" her, but Roxy was loved and cared for during those two days.  The Shelter Manager called her his "little show dog".  Thank God for that Shelter Manager and the Animal Control Officer.  This is second time we've worked with this particular Shelter Manager and he has such a heart for animals.  The shelter he runs is in a very poor county and there are no physical walls, but he does the best he can for all of the animals in his care.  He works with other rescue groups and does everything he can to place animals in foster homes and forever homes on his own.  God bless him!

This summer also brought with it an amazing high school reunion for me back home in Virginia Beach.  I'll spare my readers from going on and on and on about it, but it was fantastic!  I reconnected with the rocks on my end of Chesapeake Beach that I love so much!  They are my place of peace on this earth like no other.  I reconnected with my old home on Lauderdale Avenue, and Chubb Lake behind it.  Both still hold my heart, as if I still lived there.  I also reconnected with some very special people to me -- friends that I'd missed since I was teen.  One I went to high school with, but we knew each other from our neighborhood.  There are no words to describe how good it was to see her.  The other two took me back to my pre-school and grade school years.  Wow!  What a weekend of reunions it was for me.  I also have made "new" friends with classmates from high school I never really got to know during our years at Cox High.  With my old friends, we just picked up where we left off and didn't miss a beat.  With the others, is as if we knew each other forever.  All it takes is some common ground for people to get along and care about each other in ways that make a difference.  We can have opposing views on important things to us, but it matters not.

Also, I let the anniversary of writing this blog go by unnoticed.  On purpose.  Last year, it was all about making it a milestone and to share some of the methods I believe the Lord led me to do to help myself, and to bring me to a place of healing.  I even made a couple of videos about it.  However, after the first of the year, I took those "marker" videos down.  Although, I still want to be a face for Epilepsy, so people can relate, it's not about reaching numbers any longer.  Or, creating awareness to the degree I desired to at one time,  Part of that was the learning to live with it process.  And, I did contact legislators and still talk to people as I feel prompted to, or when the opportunity arises.  But, to try to lead any semblance of a normal life, I can't focus it on it, nor allow it to absorb my positive energy.  I need that energy for other things.  And energy is a hot commodity for me.  These days, It's about being a witness for the Lord by the life I lead.  It's about trying to encourage others via the net and in person when I get the chance.  These days, it's about making a differences.  And that pretty much ques me in back to me.  During my years working for my old employer, one of my goals was to make a difference to our company and to some of the lives I touched on a daily basis.  Making positive contributions.  Going above and beyond.  I wasn't out to make a huge impacts, but little differences.  Maybe that's a small goal, but I've always been a one on one, small group kinda of gal.  Something I mentioned in my two videos last year.  I still am.  Now, I'm acting like it again.

As for how I am "this blog anniversary", each day is still different, yet still the same.  The 24/7 neuro sensations are constant and on-going.  It gets old!  The dull and sharp pains come and go, as does the shuddering in my head.  The needles and pins throughout my body, the vibrations in my thighs and tremor in my right hand are still very much there.  But, it's not an every moment thing.  Plus, the dexterity issue with my right hand seems a bit better.   Sometimes I keep it all at bay by distracting myself with the activities of the day.  Sometimes, I try, but I can't and when it's really bad, the end result is that I have to give in and be still as it all washes over me.  That's happened more in the past three weeks than it has all summer.  Extra pressure from the atmosphere, a storm moving through, a hurricane off the shore, allergies, or even a slight head cold can kick up what's become norm for me, quite a few degrees.  Rarely, do I allow them to get the best of me, but there are times there's simply no getting around it. 

As for me and the medical profession... it's been over a year now since I last went to Wake Forest Baptist Comprehensive Epilepsy Center, and I'm honestly, no worse for the wear.  I feel better having them literally out of my hair with EEG's that just seemed to require another and another.  My hair has actually grown because of it and is breaking off less.  Where it fell out from all of the glue and tugging from several EEG's back to back, has filled back in, thankfully. I still miss my original epileptologist at WF because we were getting somewhere when he was over my case.  The hope I felt was real because he put feet to it.  But, once he left to go to Texas Tech, that was it.  My faith and confidence in WF waned, and it wasn't because I wasn't a good patient.  My experience my last year, still leaves a bad taste in my mouth and even though I know I should pursue treatment at another facility.  I'm just not ready for it.  The diagnostic merry go round, guinea pig try this AED, and that AED syndrome is no fun for someone hypersentitive and idisyncratic with medications, on top of being labeled "atypical".  For now, I'm emotionally and mentally better off being my own person and not being controlled by "them" and their negativity.

In some ways, things are better in that the ever so pesky word retrieval issues have improved verbally a great deal.  In writing, I still have issues, but there has been improvement.  There's still a disconnect between what I write and what my eyes see at times.  I'm not sure how it works.  I can proof read over and over and not see the little screw ups.  Then go back moments later, and there they are glaring me in the face.  Some I leave, but there are others, I feel compelled to correct.   It's always embarrassing.  Everyone says get over it, and it doesn't matter.  It matters to me and as long as it annoys me, I'll keep pushing to improve.  My vocabulary still isn't what it was, but it's grown a little. 

Am I better, physically?  Not exactly.  Am I coping better emotionally?  Yes... since the beginning of the year I've been in a "peace at all costs" mode - groove - mindset.  It's caused me to deal with things and some people differently.  Perhaps, I'll share more about that at another time.

Am I accepting of the disease that wants to control my life?  No.  Absolutely, not.  I continue to push past and through at every avenue.  Sometimes sec by sec, sometimes minute by minute.  When I'm distracted I'm the most comfortable.  Time moves by much more swiftly and I don't feel the sensations so much.  I'm still using wisdom regarding my activities.  I'm still trying to be sensitive to the worries and concerns my mother and husband have for me.  I drive only very very rarely.  Outside when my husband isn't home, at least two of my Springers are always with me.  I get dizzy easily, so I don't do yard work alone outside my fence.  I very much miss my freedom.  Sometimes, I miss it horribly and it effects what I accomplish at home as I hit a same ole same ole place.   But, I've yet to find a comfortable routine.

But, again... as I've said before, I'm blessed.  I have no problems in comparison to what so many people must endure.  Each day is in fact a new day and a new opportunity to look for beauty in my surroundings.  And without the contrast of my challenges, would the beauty I see even in the imperfections, be as vivid and meaningful to me?  Probably not. 

This thorn in my side called Epilepsy has given me an awareness of a higher degree than I've ever had before, and an appreciation for so much in this thing called life...

Where my next entry will take me, who knows?  Betcha it will be sooner, than later!  Ha!

Until then, here's a bit of Richmond County from the ground and a little town called Hamlet, NC...

So many directions I want to go into, but today I'm going backwards...

in time just a pinch to my birthday and the weeks surrounding it.  In order to catch up to "now" and move forward, it's a necessity.  However, I already feel compelled to side track for few... what's new?


Someone recently made a comment about "the present" and since, I've been  pondering this...


My past is "now" regardless of how far back I go. 


My present, at this "precise moment" co-exists with my memories from yesterday, the day before, and back to a beautiful early morning flight of July 5th in the powered parachute ultralight sports aircraft, I co-own with my husband.  One memory, or baby step back in time, leads to another step backwards, which sparks another memory.  All while I sit right here writing this.  For example, thinking back to the July 5th flight, immediately transports me to the most amazing flight I've ever taken with my husband in our "ppc" during the evening of August 9, 2009.  It was perfection!  People often say, "live in the moment", "live in the now", "only live in the present", "take life moment by moment", "one day at a time".  Well, I can't be in the moment, nor live this day to the fullest without my past joining me.  It's a part of me, an important part, or better said, parts.  Depending on how I view my past, my memories, bad or good, difficult or easy, I can choose to allow it to enrich me, or take away from me.  I choose "enrich".


I look at it this way, my present is every bit "now" as it is my past.  I wouldn't be the me I am now, without my experiences, my memories, my life before "this very moment".   The good far outweighs the bad, but to appreciate my "now", as well as to get through some of my "nows", my past plays key roles.  It tells me, I'll make it.  It tells me, never do such and such again.  It tells me, to go for it!  For a photo buff like me, I can easily imagine myself made up of pixels.  Pixels equal moments in time captured in my memory banks.  Each fit together perfectly to complete me.  There are very bright spots and shadows, and that is exactly how life is.  Ponder it.  Maybe you'll agree, or disagree.
 

Now, back to my birthday and surrounding weeks...


I knew I had time constraints as far as how my summertime life would allow me to blog again.  During the winter I had time, but wasn't inclined, nor inspired to share, much less take photos.  When summer hits, it's the exact opposite.  Heat doesn't dampen my spirits, even though this year has already been brutal temp wise, it's a cake walk compared to winter and cold.  Now that my husband and I recently got back up in the air again, I have flight and related ground shots to organize into albums.  We've had other things to take our time, too.  An important one is a new rescue Springer girl named Roxy. Her story is unique in the way it meshes with mine, which I'll share it soon.  Any of you left over from my blogging hiatus will recall that we have three rescued English Springer Spaniels.  Two we acquired through the group we volunteer with called English Springer Rescue America.  Get ready to add one more, because it's highly likely she's chosen us to be her forever home.  And we're not likely to not to let her have her way. The little princess most assuredly is a keeper.  So, this is all pretty much why I chose to get back into the swing of blogging again near Father's Day.  Admittedly, knowing full well that I'd keep my tribute to my dad up, giving him his just dues, until sometime after the Fourth of July.


I could elaborate about the five weeks surrounding Dad's passing, blended in with other events that happened over my lifetime during the month of June.  And why it was good for me to begin again with built in break right away.  Rather than going full throttle, the short version is that I really like the month June tons.  It's just changed a lot for me and has become chock full of memories over the years.  Some I keep close to my heart they're that special, while others I filter out deliberately.  The filtering is a tad taxing during this five week period.  I have always been happy about being born in June.  The date couldn't have been more perfect.  It was especially fun while a child and teen, because it came a couple of weeks after school let out for the summer and right before the day we celebrate out nation's birthday.  In many respects, that was a lifetime ago.  My life is so incredibly different now.  The contrasts are surreal to me at times, however, that me -- the teen -- the child still resides on the inside of me.  As well as the young adult trying to make her own way, does, too.  She gives me strength, while the younger versions help me remain forever tapped into the little things in life that cause me to burst out in spontaneous laughter when no one else is around.  She's also the sky and cloud watcher that keeps me grounded.  See if you can make sense, of that!


My birthday has become a day I can't get excited about, nor look forward to for a number of reasons, and truth be known, excuses, too.  More or less, I look forward to getting "it" behind me, because in 2004, I lost my dad the next day.  So, being human, I attach the loss to "it", as thankful as I am that he finally went home be with the Lord after being declared brain dead almost three weeks before.  Suffice it to say, I got through "it" again this year.  No worse for wear, in fact, for the better!  What a deal.  Honestly, it was all a part of God's plan, in my mind.  I give Him the glory.


How do I know?  I know because this year was a bit easier than the past three.  Since things with dad, it's become a five week period where at the end of it, I feel like I need to shake the dust off of myself before I can think forward, much less move forward.  It's a time each year when I like and crave distractions.  Although my thought life goes in other directions, because I force it to, my spirit and heart still feel it the entire time.  The don't move much.


But, this time, God helped me via a few friends unbeknownst to them.  Or, maybe they did know and heard God whispering in their collective ears and heart of hearts that Jeanne needed a little help to push through.  Whatever, they surely jumped in and reached my way, whether they were aware of it, or not they helped to push some dark clouds away.


God puts people in your life when you need them to varying degrees.  When He does the selecting "for you" one common bond reveals another, and perhaps, another, and another.  And so forth.  Then, there are times, the chosen person may barely have a thing in common.  That's not unusual.  That's when God really works His particular brand of heavenly magic.  The real stuff.  He's been opening the floodgates with me recently, I only hope that I'm touching others, too, reaching back, or in another direction, as He desires.  Hoping it isn't all not directed my way.


I'll only name one, the one with the photo credits, but to give a tiny glimpse of how many "people blessings" I've received, recently, I'll describe just a few.


One is from long ago.  She didn't actually remember me at first, yet we've picked up ironically where we left off.  We see nature similarly and have a love for history, cool artifacts, and vintage photos.  We love hearing stories and sharing stories.  She's reaching others in sharing amazing snipets of time and sparking wonderful memories.  Another, I saw only in passing at our old high school.  She was just a year ahead of me.  Yet, now has become our appointed time to get to know each other.  We lift each other up in prayer, and boost each other's days at times when the other doesn't even know it.  We love photography and portion of our hearts are owned by a particular beach, bay and all of the beauty that lies within the village atmosphere of the area.  One our favorite eating places, doesn't exist any longer.  But, she captured a spectacular shot from the venue, that I not only recognized, but hold in my heart and mind's eye.  I'm finding many of my friends or acquaintances share the same memories.  Just at different times and experienced with different people, or the same people I knew, just at different times.  That's hugely interesting to me.  And another whole topic all together.  Sounds complex, but it really isn't.   


Another friend, I met out of the blue on Facebook very soon after I joined.  She reached out to me from the glorious Pacific Northwest when she read I was challenged by the effects of Epilepsy.  Talk about a bright light in a person's day.  Oh my!  She loves animals and Springers and has a heart for the sick and hurting.  She makes differences in the lives of cancer patients and the lives of their families daily.  Not an easy task, but she's answered the calling God put on her life to be a nurse.  Another, a sister blogger, saw pink clouds one evening and not only thought of me, but took photos to share with me.  You can find Gigi, right here on Blogger In the Throne Room.  Right out of the blue!  She's gone through much the past couple of years and then some, but her spirit remains strong, even though, she admits her fragility.  She's quite often the first to give a good word on various forums and of course, FaceBook.  I could describe others, but this is just hint of how God can touch people through the net.  For someone like me, who is pretty much homebound, it's been amazing, and literally refreshes my days. 


My other steadfast friends were there, too.  Some with just simple Happy Birthday wishes on my Facebook to let me know they were thinking of me, knowing what I was dealing with on the inside.  One in particular, we lost our dads back to back and share some rather unique and multi-facted common bonds.  We may not be in contact daily, but we're still there and always will be.  For me, that's very reassuring.  And yet another, I share a cool texting friendship with, much in part due to our love of Springers.  That was the first tie.  Since then I've enabled the dear girl into life beyond tea bags, into gourmet and loose tea, with a tad bit of WEN and Philosophy on the side and some OPI teal polish.  Oh, and a most special my partner in crime.  You know who you are!  Days without you would be boring and possibly less springy!


Everyone needs "go to" people for a good word, encouragement, or to vent to at times.  If not, a person better breathe on a mirror to see if they're breathing!  Even with God and friends, life has it's ups and downs.  Much boils down to perspective and focusing thoughts and actions in positive ways.  Me, I'm not a person that asks for help, or calls someone to chat about negatives.  More or less, I deal, but God's let me know, I'm not dealing all by myself by any means.  I may be isolated in the small area where we live, but I'm not alone.  My birthday this year helped me learn this.  The wishes I received on Facebook, honestly, blew me away and they helped to make my day.  A day, I more comfortable usually forgetting. I could really go off on a bunny trail here, but will save it for another day.  See, yet another direction I want to go one day.


Back to the friends...


I've also reconnected with some very significant family member like friends from my past, all the way back to age four.  My very first best friend!  My best girlfriends at Chesapeake Beach, too.  It's astounding with each reconnection, how easy it is to pick up right where we left off decades later.  But, then again, it makes perfect sense.  Foundations for good friendship aren't built over years and years.  The years and years are just the icing on the cake.  Then, there have been the reconnections where our feet literally walked in the same steps down "my" Avenue, meaning Lauderdale at Chesapeake Beach.  The end near the Amphib base along Chubb Lake.  I would gander to guess we've walked in each other's foot steps in the sand even, but just so happens we were never aware of it, until recently.  And there are several of us who sat on the same rocks, never really knowing who each other were. 


One in particular is...


Chip, known as Roketman on Wordpress authors the blog The Pine Ridge Philospher and also in tandem authors Virginia Through My Lense as Rocket Man, here on Blogger.  He  took some of the most beautiful photos of my "rocks of solitude" during a trip back home to Virginia Beach.  For many of my old and new friends from Cox High, that means Chesapeake Beach, or Chic's Beach.  Some believe they're the same, but for locals, they're not.  Close kin, true... and the two combined have the uncanny ability to connect and reconnect kindred spirits.  Chip not only shared his photos with me that zapped me back in time in my own personal time machine to the late 60s and early 70s, but he actually dedicated a blog post to me.  The rocks worked their magic and brought him back to his sandy flip flop free Chesapeake Beach roots again.  Like they always have for me.  And even though I see the physical rocks rarely in my several to many years in between visits, I can see them easily and as vividly, as if it were only yesterday.  The route is through my heart to my mind.  Now, I have gorgeous photos at my disposal that I can look at again and again, and take that trip any ole time I want.  What could be more fun?  Only being there in person.  What else?


With that, I'm about to tie this off here so I can end with a breathtaking sunset over the rocks.  My rocks, as seen and captured by Chip through his view finder.  Notice that there is no wire strung between the old posts.  That's a great image and analogy of what's missing or damaged in my brain.  There are still frayed wires and new connections that need to be created from point A to point B in essence to complete my circuitry.  When I write.  When I take photos.  When I process photos.  I can tell much more work needs to be done.  So, I'm going to begin visualizing my brain as the fence portion next to my beloved rocks, and through imagery, I'm going rewire it.  I've tried to do similar visualizing a brain.  But, yuck!  Honestly it's not a fun image, nor one I can hold onto.  The rocks are a way different story.  The image is already embedded in my brain, and easily accessible.  On to my rocks...





And now I find myself in the place where I have an abundance of "stuff" I want to share.  Writing makes the words flow and the brain begin to tick.  Thoughts, photos, things my husband and I have done recently all want out of my head.  As well, as stories about my three Springers, Chance, Sydney, and Summer, and our new little foster, Roxy.  Also, information I want put out there on what I consider downright evil groups like PETA.  Or, in their case, just take a stand against them via my blog.  I'm always and forever writing in my head.  There's poetry there, too.  And even bouts of phoetry.  My blog laundry list also contains news about ways the Lord has been dealing with and speaking to me.  Mostly via my devotions, and of late, through several very special friends He's put into my life.  Stuff I've been writing in my head.   But for now, I'm outta here!  Next stop, Hamlet!

             All photo credits in this blog entry go to Chip Allen 

....With thoughts of my dad for every Father's Day without him....

The photo below is my dad gazing out the window onto
Lake Chubb, Chesapeake Beach,

Virginia Beach, VA.

Circa the summer of 1967 or 1968.

No edits, just a simple scan enlarged. 

Which is actually very appropriate for my dad. He didn't mince words, yet was very quiet most of the time.  But, not necessarily soft spoken.  He just talked loud simply because he was deaf in one ear.  He had a miraculous healing from an illness that almost killed him when he was only 40.  An illness so dangerous and devastating to his body, he required very rare brain surgery.  An infection so bad, he was in isolation, running fevers that would most likely kill someone else.  But, the Lord undertook and wove together a plan using a particular surgeon many states away.  The moment he heard about my dad, he was on his way!  This amazing surgeon traveled to "fix" my dad and he did it with prayers and the Lord guiding his hands.  He was the best one for the job, as he'd developed the incredible and much less invasive procedure.  My dad was written up in the American Medical Journal under "RH" for his unique story of survival.  So, he never ever complained about not being able to hear out of one ear.  He knew what odds he had beaten, yet spoke of it, the rare times he did, like it was a cold.  I could go on and on about how strong and how sensitive and, of course, stubborn he was up until the day he went home to be with the Lord, but perhaps one day down road, I'll pick up where this entry I've left off.

He was indeed larger than life. Each time he allowed himself to become close to another human being, or an animal, the receiver knew the special gift they'd received. I've heard it several times in reconnecting with people from my growing up years recently, as well as people who met and knew him during his later and last years of his life. As he accepted "you" your heart was enlarged.   He spoke so few words, I literally had friends at the beach during my teen years who would count the words he spoke to them on their fingers.  They never ran out of fingers.  They always ran a tally of Dad's "today's words".  

If you really wanted to have a conversation with him, your best bet was to call him on the phone.  He had phones in every room in the retirement home he shared with my mother.  Sometimes, two phones.  One for him and one for her.  He wanted to make sure my mother didn't have to try to make it to the phone, nor he, whenever my sister or I would call, or his granddaughter.  And if we needed help in any way, whatever it was, he would try to make it happen, or give advice. 

 

I Just adore this photo exactly the way it is,

as it was taken with my father's handy dandy Polaroid Camera.
One of several he had over the years.  I believe he had the very
first one ever made! 

Most definitely, this is my most favorite photo ever.

It's a shot that I've duped for special family members...

my mom, my sister, my niece and my cousin in NC.

My dad was a dad to many. Not just family, but friends of my sisters and to friends of mine. He was a father and best friend to my husband.  Beyond a parent and buddy.

He was a daddy and granddaddy to every pet I have ever had.

I called him "daddy"; my sisters called him Richard as did just everyone else who knew him.  The exceptions were my best friends who indeed called him Mr. Holland, and his work buddies called him by his nickname, Dick.  His grandchildren called him "granddaddy". Two grandsons carry his name, as do two great grandsons.

There are two copies of this photo in my home.

One I keep on my wonderful work table in my bedroom,

while the other is on a table in my living room.

Each time I look at this photo, I always say in my mind how much I'd love to be *not* in his head, nor in our beautiful beach house on the Chesapeake Bay where it was taken. But, in the exact spot where his eyes are gazing.

I look at this photo often...

It reminds me of the person I am...

My roots and I'm the last of my dad's line, so to speak...

My father was what one would call a "solitary" man.  As I shared above, truly he was a man of few words, but he showed how much he loved our family by working hard and by doing things for us. He was a hands on kind of a guy, yet a bit distant at the same time. Believe it or not, I'm kind of that way, too. I'm not a touchy feely huggy type of person, but if I can, I'll be there for my loved ones.

And, when I can't, it tears me up.

But, this isn't about me... it's about Dad.

If I could be one place on this earth again...

go back in time, I'd choose to be in that spot...

Right where his eyes are gazing...

He could be looking at anything.

We had a lovely lake behind our home, Chubb Lake.

There were ducks, geese, a pair of Swan, and a loner Swan we'd named Jake. He'd literally come knock on our patio door for bread.

We'd have Cranes and Herons visit the narrow sandy shore to the lake.  Also, Carp would jump out of the water, often.

And we'd get eeeeeky snakes.

It could be anything. 

Quite possibly one of our gorgeous Live Oak trees

all twisted by many many years and the weather.

One time when he was traveling out of the country two of my best friends and I (Buzzy and Zack) painted the little pier we'd built from scrap lumber the color of peach sherbet. My dad didn't say anything to me, but I bet he did to my mom.

Is he looking at the peach pier? Is it bothering him?

I've asked Mom about this photo and she says she believes he's mad. I honestly don't think so. I believe he's pondering or musing. He could be speculating or contemplating. Figuring something out.

Granted, he does look very serious. Most of the time he always wore a mustache and when he'd shave it off, he looked a bit different.

I think he'd just shaved his mustache off and was regretting it.

Well, it's possible. ;)

There are several questions I have all intentions of asking him when we meet again in Heaven.

The first will be what was on his mind in the photo???

The second will be who in the world snapped this photo???

My sister nor I can remember...

It could have been her...

It could have been me...

My mother never ever picked up a camera...

Or, did one of our relatives snap it during a visit to our home?

Knowing my dad, though, he very well could have had taken it himself with a timer.

He was one gadget loving man. 

Blowing the dust off! -- Shaking the dust off!

My last long ago entry was about words and between the very few lines some hopelessness that I felt.  Hopelessness is not an every day feeling, but it is one that pretty much is word provoked for me.  Not self-talk, but words said to me.

My life is different now and it's not so much that I'm limited physically by the condition that wants to control my life, or the area where I reside.  But, bottom line, it's that I have a limited outreach.  A portion of my outreach was via this blog and is also on FaceBook and Twitter here and there.  It's time the was, becomes an is again regarding this blog.  It's time the is on FaceBook, tames down a bit.  Words come into my heart and spirit that I feel compelled to share, but FaceBook certainly isn't the right vehicle for it.  My desire, and I believe it's one God has placed into my heart, is to encourage and lift up others as they cross my path.  It can be a stranger, a friend, an acquaintance, or even someone that's not on my fun to be around list in person or in my "net" life.   

More and more I'm letting go of the me I used to be.  It's not been easy.  It's not been fun.  And in a weird way, it's been time consuming.  It hasn't been anything I wanted to do, but it's necessary for me to move forward.  To hopefully, begin anew.  The me that touched a lot of people most days and actually made differences has gone through some growing pains in simply wanting to "be" since Epilepsy has tried to take control.  It's been crazy just trying to find "me" at times.  I was so much a hands on type of person, and enjoyed one on one and small group settings.  Try as it may, my spirit has fought back even when the me in me, has felt extremely insignificant.  As always it's grace that gets us through.  Even though my challenges are minimal in comparison to what so many people on earth endure and have to push through to the the other side, my reality is my life.  When independence and freedom are lost in rapid time, it can do a number on our self-worth and self-esteem.  There's a very real grief that sets in.  In my case the grief I experienced has been concentrated having lost my dad a few short months after the onset of "E".  Which is a loss I just carry with me.  There's no closure.  No healing, aside from the peace that my dad is with the Lord.  I've also had to feel my way through... navigating through side effects of medications that never helped relieve one single sensation.  I've had to throw off negative words being spoken by serious neurologists about my life and my future.  I've had to shake off subtle fears about SUDEP, as the medical stats are stacked against me.  The journey of finding and discovering the brass tacks of me has been slow going in a way.  There are days I simply function, but each day I push through and can't base my opinion of myself on what I accomplish.  That's such a trap and pitfall.  One we all experience.  Quite possibly, often.

Know this, though, my spirit is not ever going to give in.  There's always of enough of me left, not to let any fears get me!  There's lots of fight left in me to go however many rounds necessary.  Has it been easy?  No.  Can others make it easier by understanding?  Yes.  Yet, I don't expect anyone to change, but me. Honestly, I don't feel sorry for myself in the least.  And if I come off as a whiner, that is not my intent.  My main intent when I share is to help others understand what may not be understandable unless you live it.  However, I know others can relate as compassionate human beings.  A bond many people in and on the outskirts of my life share.

This I know to be truth...

Isaiah 42:3 (Amplified Bible)

"A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not quench; He will bring forth justice in truth."

I can burn brighter than a dimly burning wick.  There's more than a spark inside me, even though, admittedly it's been a struggle to figure out what God's plan is for me these days.  My life has changed, true, but it's not over.  As for what the future holds, still I'm clueless.  Yet, there's still a purpose for me on this planet, and I'm hoping and praying that it will be revealed to me as the rewiring process continues.  As much as I've felt like letting go of Project Rewire, I know feelings change.  It's my reason for pulling it out of view for awhile so I could focus my thoughts and attention elsewhere for a spell.  It became a hurtful place "here" during the winter months.  There are several reasons for that, but none I need to share, aside from the fact that not much new was coming into my life, and the weather plays a number on this fair weather gal.  Pulling back and storing Project Rewire may not seem the best when bloggers focus on readership, yet, it was the right thing to do for me.  If I'd gone with my feelings, I would have pulled the plug, but wisdom prevailed.

A person can't bank on feelings.  But, a person can bank on God's promises and His Word, even in the midst of setbacks, discouragements, gained ground and peaks so high that touching the sky is possible.  It's all part of the growth process.  Fortunately, God has blessed me with the ability to understand many sides and to keep things in perspective.  It's about letting go and letting God in... what's new?

So, I'm blowing the dust off of Project Rewire, as of this day!  I'm also shaking the dust off of my feet, per se with regard to my relationship with Wake Forest Baptist Comprehensive Epilepsy Center in Winston-Salem -- supposedly, one of the 17 best clinics in the nation.  It was a great experience for me for a season, but, unless something truly bad happens, no more for me.  I may or may not elaborate in the near future, but suffice it to say, if you are suffering from Epilepsy, I highly recommend you go elsewhere.  There are other problems I've run into at Wake Forest Baptist, as well, and the worst is that they don't follow through.  Not even their Department of Excellency.  In the most polite terms, they don't walk their talk.

And before I scoot, admittedly I'm working myself out of an irregular people induced funk... what better way than with Casting Crowns, We Are The Body.  It's important to remember that words bring life or death, and it's very important for me to not only remember it, but live it!  If we aren't His hands and feet, then, who are we? 

Pulling this out of view soon...

I've been back and forth for months now about my blog, it's not that I don't have things to share, because each day, there is a blog entry in my mind and in my heart, but it's harder for me to find the time to write without taking away time from my husband, and Springers. I'm also at the place where I've shared publicly about my condition to the point it's hard for me to share anything new.

I'm at a standstill with diagnostic endeavors -- my choice. It was time for a break after this summer's sleep deprived EEGs. I'm living un-medicated, and there's not much difference. There are days which are more difficult when the weather fronts really get me, but I still push past and don't allow "it" to stop me.

In January I go back to Wake Forest Baptist, not something I want to do, but it's important for me to follow through. As for where we'll get with the Epilepsy I suffer from, who knows? But, I do need help sleeping better, and would love to do something to take away the non-stop sensations and pain in my head that literally plague me. Migraines are a big problem and are a real concern to me because they create more issues with a white matter disease in my brain. Not life threatening and not debilitating but could lead to strokes. More or less they're TIAs without going into any detail the MRI proved this, which I pretty much knew. My mom has the same events and she's almost 90 now and her mind is so sharp, she's so brilliant, it's unreal. So, I'm not in fear.

I still believe God is slowly healing me, in fact, Saturday before last I was standing in Food Lion with my husband and for first time in almost four years my head felt normal. The sensations I experience are so predominant in my life, so prevalent, so there every second, the moment they stopped I knew it immediately and for almost two hours my head felt normal. I felt normal. I want more "normal". To get there, I'm doing a 180 from the purpose of this blog, it's time for me to be quieter, more settled. It's been since July that I went off the Keppra, and so far my speech and verbal recall hasn't changed. Little words trip me up. New words especially like medication names for Summer or Sydney. Eventually, they do stick though! Yay! My writing has taken a dive, but it's liveable. Hence, one reason blogging is not enjoyable anymore. I make mistakes and each boo boo screams at me. I catch them. I correct them. I will not let one go by me, it hurts if I let it. And sometimes I apologize or ask forgiveness. When the mistakes are bigger. One word can blow the message or the contect. The tone.

For me it's easier to offer unconditional love to others. The real struggle in life, is in finding unconditional love for myself, oneself... not so easily achieved. A word boo boo should not make me feel badly about myself. Nor should other mistakes. If the Lord can forgive me, why should I make hard on myself. Why should any of us?

When we are convicted we should pray and ask forgiveness, believe we've received it, repent and start over with a clean slate. It's up to us what we do with that clean slate. For me, sometimes a clean slate is just another place to write. Another tablet. Sometimes, it's something deeper and more meaningful. We're all human and are trying to live our lives the best we can. Each of us are products of our pasts, our genetics, our hopes and dreams, and our todays... what we do with it all, is our choice. Today, I have a clean slate, my goal is to be a blessing. To make positive differences. Not to take away or hurt anyone. Simple, yet deep stuff depending on how deep your thinking runs...

My heart is big, and it has no problem forgiving others, yet... it's a push and pull thing with myself at times. Self reflection isn't a bad thing. Self absorbtion is, and that's how I believe this blog is coming across. It's time to change that...

Without God's Word, without the sacrifice of his dear son, Jesus Christ, we would not have unconditional love. So this is the season for remembering the reason for the season... Jesus Christ's birthday. And, it is something we should carry with us each day of the year. Unconditional love for our loved ones, our friends, our neighbors, and for those who have hurt us, the same is true. Christmas is the season we remember our loved ones who have passed before us. Christmas is the season we remember those we care about, who are still with us, but perhaps far away, or just in another place, up the road or in another town nearby. They are all only a thought away... a heart pang away in some cases.

As I said, I'll be pulling this blog out of view, but my heart and memories live in it and I will not be deleting it. Sometime in the future, I may bring it back. Whatever I feel God is leading me to do, I'll do and right now, it's time for Project Rewire to take rest and me with it. Since starting Project Rewire, I've felt driven to do everything I can to keep my words flowing. It's time I can let up now. Thank God!

To my readers, thank you for being faithful. Those that have commented and to those who have written me... no words... only gratitude. Those of you on FaceBook, you're just going to have to put up with me. You're stuck with me. :)

A little un-sung hero by the name of Charlie...

A Veteran's Day tribute to my husband and his puppy, Charlie...

Steve's first rescue puppy! And never even realized Charlie was a rescue puppy until I pointed it out to him. In his mind, he was saving a puppy's life. Well, that's what rescue is!

We've shared this story countless times to once a Marine always a Marine Marines, meaning buddies Steve served with in Viet Nam, his Platoon members of Charlie Company, 1st Battilion, 26th Marine Division aka C-Company. As well as to family, loved ones, friends, dog lovers, etc. Today I decided to share an abbreviated version on FaceBook. In essence, there are really two stories. Charlie's story, and my rescue Terrier, Maggie's story. The two overlap in a unique way, and it's so incredibly unique that only God could have pulled the strings to make it happen. Now, Maggie's story, I'm still not ready to share. I've wanted to from the time I started this blog, but lost her almost simultaneously. It still hurts even though, I have my three Springers, Chance aka Mr. Puppy, and Sydney, my baby girl, Sydney and now Miss Summer. Maggie and I spent a lot of time together after I became home bound and she watched after me even though age was catching up to her. I hope one day I'll be able to share more about her without a pang in my heart. So, for now... it's Charlie's story to be told. And of course, there's more to his story, but there's no need for me to write a book about him tonight. :)

While on patrol in a village south of Da Nang, Steve caught sight of beautiful tiny black puppy all by himself. As he shares the story, he says he had a split decision as to whether to pass him by or pick him up. His heart won over and Charl...ie was put in his right side pocket of his utlities. He was so small that when Steve climbed into the helicopter to fly out of there, Charlie rode in his helmet. He spent a good deal of time in that helmet until he grew out of it!

Charlie was with Steve for three months and touched the lives of many Marines in his platoon. There are men Steve served with that are sometimes foggy on Steve's name... but every single one of them remembers Charlie. We've discovered posts on forums and bulletin board about him!

At that time in Steve's tour of duty he was the Platoon Radio Operator. So, many knew Steve, but more guys knew Charlie.

Charlie made a huge difference in Steve's life during that time, as well as the men in his platoon. He boosted morale and had many daddies when Steve was on patrol or night ambushes.

Charlie's grandparents back home in Albemarle, NC were very taken with him. In order for photos to be developed Steve had to send the film home, so they fell in love with Charlie at their first glance of him in Steve's arms. They sent him a flea collar and leash of his very own, so he knew he belonged. He also had care packages with plenty of chewies, dog biscuits, treats, and rubber toys. He received his vaccinations from Corpsman. And, he dined upon C-Rations.

It broke Steve's heart to leave him behind when he rotated out in January of 1969. And he never knew what happened to him. For over for over 30 years he always wondered what happened to his little Charlie. I did, too from the moment I heard about him and saw his pictures. A few years ago we finally reconnected with the Marine Steve left him with, sadly to find out that a month after he left, Charlie got tangled up in some trip wire and sadly was killed by friendly fire. That was not the ending we wanted to hear, however, it's the beginning of my Maggie's story... all I'll share now is that she found me and was covered in red clay. Red clay just like the clay Steve dug into in Viet Nam.

The only photo I've ever shared with friends on the net is the first shot; the album cover. In tribute to Steve and Charlie, I've added the others. They're aging, so I finally scanned them into one of my external hard drives for a back up and safe keeping. Please note, my husband was only 20 when he was Viet Nam.




Photos were taken both north and south of Da Nang, HiVon Pass and Namo Bridge, and parts in between.

Another walk in the woods today... different woods... Hinson Lake

Here I am again listening to Jon Schmidt's "Walk in the Woods" cd and I'm fighting back the tears.  Again. A few are popping through, but I'm tough and I'm forcing them back. Why the tears? I'm not sure. I don't recall a poignant walk in the woods over my lifetime, however, I do recall many fun walks in woods, forests, and amongst the wild grape vines and beautiful twisted Live Oak trees which resided on the dunes of Chesapeake Beach -- the end where I lived.  So long ago...

I wonder if the tears are because Jon Schmidt and I have a poignant moment when we talked about his sister, Rose Anne, after his concert in Charlotte, NC this past June.  And the fact that he wrote a tribute song to her to play at her funeral. She passed away when he was only a teen of an unexpected Epileptic seizure. Although, I don't allow my mind to wander in that direction often, I do think a little bit about SUDEP being at high risk for it. It's not that I'm afraid for anything to happen to me. My concern is about those that I care about if such an event were to happen to me. I already miss my loved ones I don't see, and even people I've not seen in many years. People, I do desire to see again. Family members. Friends. Close friends. Like one of my best friends back home -- we just never have enough time together when I'm in Virginia Beach. I care about her as if she was my sister, yet we rarely talk. I wish it were different.  There's a wall, on her end, I can't seem to break through, except when I'm there or let her know I'm coming.  It's fine because we always pick up where we left off, but it does concern me for her.  But... whatever.

In pondering, are my tears because I'm still in somewhat of a holding pattern?  Could very well be the frustration and trying to hold it in.  Put a good face on as much as possible in front of others.  All I know is that God is in charge, indeed, and here comes the "but"... but I'm human and am feeling quite stuck. Having said that thought, there is a little good news and it's that my nurse from Wake Forest Baptist Comprehensive Epilepsy Center called me today. She returned my call to her from two weeks ago. There are times I'm impatient, but times I'm extremely patient and when it comes to Valerie, I'm a patient patient. We both have a couple of things (information) we're gathering and I shall be calling her back soon to schedule an appointment with my new Epileptologist. How do I feel about it? The same as before. My hope is no different. My expectations, if they've changed are minimal. Yet, I believe in being a good patient and we'll see where it gets me. My case is just so atypical, I'm not sure they know what course of action to take with me. And to be totally honest, for the time being, I'm not sure where else to go in my situation.  It is all up to God, and I continue to believe in my healing.  Don't let my words here fool you!  But, I have to have an outlet... just so happens mine is a bit public on my blog and FaceBook. 

When I was speaking with Valerie, I shared with her about Summer, and how Summer truly was "my" summer. That caring for her, watching over her, helping her and bonding with her, trying to ease her pain in every health condition she was enduring or recovering from was my number one priority here at home. Valerie has read my blog entries a few times and she knows I'm using photography for rehab purposes -- my own version. Anyone reading for the first time, I'm not a photographer and barely claim to be a novice -- I take pictures because it's a rehab tool for me, and because I feel drawn to. It's not a hobby with me, it's something I feel compelled to do.. or better said "led".

Anyway, I sent Valerie an email after we spoke to share some photos of Summer with her. Before and current photos so she could see the wonderful transition my girl has made. Summer was in very sad shape when we first pulled her from the shelter in Chesterfield, SC. To see her today, except for her smile and ears, she doesn't look like the same Springer. In essence this is what I shared in my email...

I'm not scraggly like Summer, but I'm hoping for somewhat of a transition, too, from the way things are now in my life, to a better quality. My passion lies in these rescue Springers and I have a goal for Summer to become a therapy dog. There's a rehab center connected to First Health Hospital in Moore County where dogs help stroke victims and people with neurological problems. That's where I hope to have Summer help one day. An outreach for her per se'. She was a dog used for breeding purposes and it's been easy to see what a wonderful mother she was. It's in her to give love and mother others... humans, too. She will never have puppies around to fulfill that need in her. It's a trait. She has a litter, literally, of stuffed animals she cares for and carries around with her. Moving each one at a time to wherever she decides to rest. I need to re-channel that love and devotion. She should be over it by now, but she's not. She demonstrates the fact that she isn't by her little toy litter and separation anxiety. She's so bonded to me, she has a hard time even if I'm outside. However, to help her find a rewarding outlet, "a job" I must gain some independence and feel comfortable going out on my own again. Meaning some of the sensations I experience need to be alleviated. Steve has so much on his plate, he needs a break, too. How I get there, though, is always the question. Much I'm doing myself with God's help. He's not giving up on me, so my part is to not give up and to work with Dr. Sams and you. My fear is information overload on your end. If it will help achieve a diagnosis, or hinder it. Only time will tell.

And even though, we are not to fear, I have reasons for having that fear.  My mother has been through it, and so have I.  There's a place where too much medical history can get a diagnosis off course.  Right now, it's imperative we know what's happening in my brain, and the other neuro issues I'm experiencing can be focused upon later.  I'm dealing and I pretty much know what some of the symptoms stem from having read my MRI results (which the negatives were never discussed with me -- I had to read the info myself on records I requested).  So... at some point in the future, I'll pick up again on an update about my brain and I ~ LOL~ but for now, this is it!  In the meantime, I'm praying for favor and sensitivity from WFBHCEC... and answers!

When I hung up from Valerie, I focused again on the news of yesterday and today.  Could the news be much worse?  The Fort Hood situation, the tragedy of the lost lives, and those left to grieve and miss their loved ones.  And those who are injured.  I never ask God why... but pray that He uses this in some way to get our governments' attention.   Then, today in Orlando... another tragedy.  All of the families and loveds are in my prayers -- the survirors and injured.  I pray for God's healing touch, his grace and that they'll be surrounded in His arms.

Then, this afternoon a probation officer was shot in Charlotte.  Each and every time an officer of the law is gunned down and I hear about it, it comes home to me.  More prayers.  I can't help but put myself in the spouse's position.  So, after briefly watching some of the media coverage of the Texas and Florida tragedies, then hearing about the officer via a phone call from my mother, it was time to get out of the house.  So, my cop husband and I, along with Sydney and Summer took a wild walk in the woods at Hinson Lake.

Why was it wild?  It was our first time out with Sydney on her new Gentle Leader face harness thingy to make her stop pulling when she walks.  As well, it was Summers first real walk with my hubby, Sydney and I together in a wooded area with amazing scents!  There's a super path around the lake, yet, doggies of all manner visit, so the parts per million were going strong into our Springers' sniffing noses... they pulled and pulled and tugged and wanted to lead the way.  We didn't battle but, lets just say it was brisk walk!  And I must admit, I'm so proud of Sydney, overall she didn't rebell, and every single time I told her to sit, she did perfectly.  Both she and Summer had a doggone good time and have been crashed out all evening.  We'll be doing it again, soon.

I did have my little camera with and took quite a few shots... not tons for me, but certainly enough.  The color of the trees reflecting in the water was gorgeous!  I so love taking photos of reflective surfaces, but water is my fave.  Pretty much, I focus on it, yet look as far across the body of water that I can possibly see, while I also look close up and look up.  The melange of colors was stunning today in that water.  The weeds, dead trees, even algae looked beautiful to me, yet, as always I see beauty in imperfections.  I'll be sharing a slide show below, and only feel compelled to share one more thing... then I'll go...

I fixate on reflective surfaces much in part because they remind me of the way my brain works now.  I've always had an extremely vivid memory.  Plus, I'm really into details, and recalling details and specifics.  Since I'm now for all intents and purposes homebound, I spend an inordinate time remembering.  It's more time than I used to before the misfires began.  My own take, since the misfires are going off in my left mid-temporal lobe, I believe the kicked up activity causes me to remember more, and even more vividly at times.  Memories and temporal  lobe go together hand in hand.  However, the down side is that my immediate recall isn't so hot at times.  The same is true here and there regarding my ability to recall short term.  This can be anything such as whether I've fed the dogs in the morning, when I'd fed the dogs a few minutes earlier.  If those bowls are in the dishwasher still clean, I haven't.  If they are still on the floor recently eaten out of, I know they been fed.  But, if they are clean and dry in my dish drain, I have no clue because I wash and dry them by hand often.  So, it takes a routine, and a routine I must stick to, to really be sure.  Then other times, I can recall something that I know I know and in detail, but I may not be able to recite why or how I know.  I just went through this yesterday.  This is with insignificant "stuff".  It's ultimately a good thing, because if it is the type of "thing" I can research on the net, or in a book... whatever, I will and I learn from it.  I may not connect the dot to the how I know... but it is reassuring when recognize a person, place, or event.  For a few moments though, it drives me nuts, because I wonder.  And when I wonder... I fixate.  People like me who are grossly non attention decifit, fixate.

Well, slide below... another blog entry... and long... hmmmm... soon I expect them to be shorter!

I have no problems !... !... !... !.. .!... !... !... !!!

Was the common phrase we shared and heard coming out of our sanctuary at church yesterday into our fellowship hall.  My hubby and I had one really good conversation about it with one of our beloved friends.  He and his wife are dear to us.  Their son was very special as well, and tragically committed suicide a few years ago.  The father found him in their front yard.  Due to sensitivity reasons, I shall not elaborate further.  Suffice it to say... it was a difficult scene.  His family misses him dearly.  Those of us who knew him as a kid and an adult do, too.  I saw him frequently on my job and I can't see a big brown truck and not think of him.  

Anyway... we stood on line quite awhile waiting to get to the long buffet table which was fine by my hubby and I.  We always choose to either be last or make sure we're toward the rear.  We get to fellowship our way to the food!  :) It's also important for our seniors to get seated and the families with children.  Plus, it takes me forever to go down the buffet table.  That thing is like a giant menu!!  Which always takes me some time to go through.  Choices choices choices... funny thing, often I order the same ole same ole.  Years and years ago people used to select my food for me, like my mom... it's how I learned to have a diverse palette.  I go for healthy! 

I like to eat healthy even at our church meals, which nothing against Sourthern cooking, but, I know there's dessert of some sort waiting for me.  Perhaps, more than one dessert. :) So, I make it a point to go for veggie dishes, salads... light stuff.  However, I'm not going to turn down a serving of truly homemade mac & cheese or cornbread for anything.  Yesterday, I had a small serving of mac & cheese.  It was great!  I passed on the corn bread.  Much to regret after I nibbled a bite of my husband's wedged slice.  Like who cares about what I eat, but I did have a partial BBQ chicken leg.  It was good!  I eat meat, but not big portions.  I rarely eat red meat.  I'm clueless on the last time I had a steak, it's been that long ago.  Anyway, the food was tasty... the dessert even better.  Those multi-layer chocolate cakes were good.  I tasted two.  LOL  Not big slices... just very very small portions. 

Now back to the "I have no problems..." title.  We had a special speaker yesterday from the Assemblies of God district headquarters, who brought a profound message.  He started a little slow and it took me a few moments to tune in to be totally honest.  It's not that he wasn't interesting; just soft spoken.  He and his lovely wife had never had the occasion to visit our new sanctuary before, although he's visited our pastor several times over the past 19 years.  After all of his friendly warm up, I tuned in immediately.  Hey, I'm human.  And to be completely honest, I was experiencing some heavy duty pressure in my head.  It's distracting, but in most cases, I can shake it off and focus.  Which is good, because it helps me not to feel it. 

He spoke about "the Father's love".  Toward the end, before the alter call, he played a short video of Team Hoyt.  Hopefully, my readers will know who they are.  If not, please google them!!!  It's imperative for you to understand Dick and Rick's full story after you watch the youtube below.  I've been  blessed by catching their story on TV several times and I'm always humbled... always amazed... always teary eyed.  It's so incredibly inspiring and thought provoking.  It will put your life in perspective in a New York minute!  Try it, you'll see.  For a taste... here's the wikepedia link below:

Team Hoyt

I'm going to end this entry here by sharing that in a nutself one of the most profound statements Rick made to his dad which Dick found so compelling that he's pressed on and continues to race... was that Rick "did not feel handicapped" during the events.  Marathons to Iron Man Triathlons... running, biking... swimming!  That's super human stuff when considering what some would see as obstacles.  As far as the obstacles... merely read the link above for enlightenment.  Maybe God will touch you as he did me... yet, another reminder.  I have no problems... and the challenges I have are tiny in comparison to Team Hoyt,  They are a true example of "our Father's love" on earth.  If you don't see it, please comment.  If you do, comments are always welcome.

Now... for the youtube... there are MANY on youtube about Team Hoyt.  This particular one has some of the same footage we watched in church yesterday which is my reason for choosing it.  

My Redeemer couldn't be more fitting of a score...

Can you see it? By Jon Walker... Too good not to share via my blog...

 

Can you see it?

Can you see it?

We look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are unseen.  The things which are seen are temporal and the things which are not seen are eternal. 1 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)

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When life begins to squeeze us, what we truly believe is revealed through our attitudes and actions. And, if the truth be told, most of us live by sight more than by the hope and certainty of our faith.

With the patience of Job, Jesus tells us again and again that we have to look past the things we see into the eternal reality of the unseen (Where do you think Job got such Jesus-like patience?)

When people approached Jesus to tell him about their circumstances, he’d often say something like, “You’re looking for a drink of water, but look past your circumstances because I’m the living water. I can quench your thirst for eternity, not just in this moment. Can you see it?” Or, “You want to see bread right now, but I want you to see that I am the living bread. I can feed you for this one meal, but – Look! – I can feed you for all eternity. Can you see it?”

In one of those grand, mysterious paradoxes, Jesus is saying we should see the unseen – and the way to do that is to stay intimate with him and to let the Holy Spirit direct our sight, our physical eyes and our spiritual eyes.

When we believe that reality is confined to only what we see, we become trapped into thinking the only truth is what we see. We become prisoners to our perceptions; we cease to be freedom fighters walking in faith.

Time and time again we see Jesus moving the focus from the seen to the unseen. He knew that for those who walk by faith, appearances are never the ultimate reality.

Are there parts of your life that have you discouraged or depressed, that have you wondering where God is?  He’s tapping you on the shoulder, reminding you to look up beyond the horizon into eternity.

What does this mean?

• Reality extends beyond what you can see – God, Jesus, and heaven are reality, even if they are unseen for now. The things we see are temporary; the things we do not see are eternal. (1 Corinthians 4:18 NIV)

• God is at work – Even though things may appear bad on the surface, God is working it all out for good (Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11). Jesus is the author, and he knows how the story ends. So, fix your eyes on the unseen, and not solely on what is seen. (2 Corinthians 4:18, NIV)

-end-

By Jon Walker

We look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are unseen.  The things which are seen are temporal and the things which are not seen are eternal. 1 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)

When life begins to squeeze us, what we truly believe is revealed through our attitudes and actions. And, if the truth be told, most of us live by sight more than by the hope and certainty of our faith...

With the patience of Job, Jesus tells us again and again that we have to look past the things we see into the eternal reality of the unseen (Where do you think Job got such Jesus-like patience?)

To finish reading this devotion click ---->  HERE

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As I've mentioned on this blog before I subscribe to 3... well, actually 4 online devotions now.  I'm not quite in the daily habit of reading the 4th one quite yet, but I try my best to be faithful in reading my other 3 daily.  If I miss any, I go back to read and I've found playing catch up can be very beneficial as it helps me to focus and absorb better whatever the Lord wants me to glean from the devotionals.  Often, my "3" will almost overlap each other with the verses being shared, or the lessons.  They'll be *that* similar.  Oh boy!  Whenever, that happens I know God has something special for me... that He's speaking to me.  Everyone needs to hear from the Lord particularly during challenging times and situations, so I couldn't resist sharing Jon Walker's Grace Creates devotion for today here.  And, on FaceBook, I guess now... if the little integration app works!  ;)

Well, today I needed a special something, a gentle reminder.  He is speaking to me.  Not just for myself; for a few people I care about and know personally.  One really needs a miracle to happen where their business is concerned.  The person so needs multiple break throughs, but the most important need right now is for them to earn a living... FAST!  They've been working countless hours and have invested every thing they have.  They're brilliant, dedicated, strong and gifted.  They know God is in control, but is in need of prayer and favor.  God knows the person by name.  And thankfully, in spite of their circumstances they are in the palm of His hand.  Like me, there's a time that the holding pattern end must come to an end.  That person is about there.  So, any readers that compelled to pray and intercede, my thanks to you.

It's beautiful outside today.  I took a lovely glass mug of hot Chinese Silver Needles White tea outside a little while ago.  The air was so crisp and fresh.  And there's a sensational breeze.  Chance and Summer loved it.  They sniffed the air and caught sight of a few birds.  They were hoping the squirrels would come out of the trees so they could rush at them through the fencing.  They have recently become a tag team.  It's a new thing for Summer to be frisky, which is just fab!  However, the breeze flowing through the trees and the sounds of the neighborhood scared little Sydney.  She stayed stuck to me.

All I did was sit in my dad's cedar rocking chair and soak up the warm sun... sipped tea... ate part of warm muffin with peanut butter on it.  It was really melted and messy today... makes it more yummy!

Later this afternoon, the Springers and I will do the same, except it will be time to for me to share an apple with the girls.  Chance is not into fruit.  But, he'll get treated to a couple of cookies.

Have much to catch up on here...