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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Jeanne Code

Epilepsy has brought with it many changes to my life. It's affected my freedoms immensely. One in particular, that I find extremely frustrating, is my freedom to express myself. Literally. The area in my brain that's responsible for "language" has taken a big hit from the misfires. Words don't flow from my mind to my lips or finger tips easily anymore. My vocabulary, is not at all what it used to be. There are days it feels as if it's shot. I was an introvert before, but even more so these days. To say it's frustrating is an understatement. But, those close to me are used to it now. Fortunately. They always try to make me feel better by telling me they do the same thing, have the same problems... it's different though. I've got documented evidence that my words have flown the coop! My closest friends have gotten very adept at what we've begun calling "Jeanne Code"... especially in our emails back and forth. They pretty much know what I'm aiming to say, and if it doesn't make sense, my really REALLY close friends will write me back and ask me to have a go at it again. Even though I know it's okay, it is embarrassing. It's done a number on my self-identity. Yep, it's a bruiser!

But! I'm sharing all of this not to whine or woes me... but, ONLY to get to this...

One of the focuses of Project Rewire, in a nutshell, is to help restore my vocabulary. So the words will come freely... like on demand! Now! Technically, it's called "word retrieval". I believe God has led me to start this blog for many reasons, and one of them is as a method to help me to tap into the place where my words reside/hide and create new pathways for them to fly to the surface. Exercise the areas where I've been told there are sub-cortical lesions. Heal them. I've been assured by Neuro experts who supposedly know this stuff, that they're all in there... which is reassuring! It's just that my wires are frayed in areas so they can't take a direct flight when I need them at times. It can be hilarious when I'm speaking. In writing, it's a bit different.

We shall see, but by faith... I'm claiming my words back. The wordy person in me misses them!

1 comment:

Gigi said...

Well my dear Jeanne, you and I will stand together on the promise of Mark 11:24 which says:

"That is why I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours."

So...ask, believe, receive. Amen!

My best friend has MS and has a similar problem. I know how frustrating it is for her. And I have a lesion deep in my brain that affects me in much the same way. Do NOT let it steal your joy!! Others will understand...or not! But you are still you!!! {{BIG hugs!!}} It takes courage to share your story!