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Saturday, July 17, 2010

So many directions I want to go into, but today I'm going backwards...

in time just a pinch to my birthday and the weeks surrounding it.  In order to catch up to "now" and move forward, it's a necessity.  However, I already feel compelled to side track for few... what's new?

Someone recently made a comment about "the present" and since, I've been  pondering this...

My past is "now" regardless of how far back I go. 

My present, at this "precise moment" co-exists with my memories from yesterday, the day before, and back to a beautiful early morning flight of July 5th in the powered parachute ultralight sports aircraft, I co-own with my husband.  One memory, or baby step back in time, leads to another step backwards, which sparks another memory.  All while I sit right here writing this.  For example, thinking back to the July 5th flight, immediately transports me to the most amazing flight I've ever taken with my husband in our "ppc" during the evening of August 9, 2009.  It was perfection!  People often say, "live in the moment", "live in the now", "only live in the present", "take life moment by moment", "one day at a time".  Well, I can't be in the moment, nor live this day to the fullest without my past joining me.  It's a part of me, an important part, or better said, parts.  Depending on how I view my past, my memories, bad or good, difficult or easy, I can choose to allow it to enrich me, or take away from me.  I choose "enrich".

I look at it this way, my present is every bit "now" as it is my past.  I wouldn't be the me I am now, without my experiences, my memories, my life before "this very moment".   The good far outweighs the bad, but to appreciate my "now", as well as to get through some of my "nows", my past plays key roles.  It tells me, I'll make it.  It tells me, never do such and such again.  It tells me, to go for it!  For a photo buff like me, I can easily imagine myself made up of pixels.  Pixels equal moments in time captured in my memory banks.  Each fit together perfectly to complete me.  There are very bright spots and shadows, and that is exactly how life is.  Ponder it.  Maybe you'll agree, or disagree.

Now, back to my birthday and surrounding weeks...

I knew I had time constraints as far as how my summertime life would allow me to blog again.  During the winter I had time, but wasn't inclined, nor inspired to share, much less take photos.  When summer hits, it's the exact opposite.  Heat doesn't dampen my spirits, even though this year has already been brutal temp wise, it's a cake walk compared to winter and cold.  Now that my husband and I recently got back up in the air again, I have flight and related ground shots to organize into albums.  We've had other things to take our time, too.  An important one is a new rescue Springer girl named Roxy. Her story is unique in the way it meshes with mine, which I'll share it soon.  Any of you left over from my blogging hiatus will recall that we have three rescued English Springer Spaniels.  Two we acquired through the group we volunteer with called English Springer Rescue America.  Get ready to add one more, because it's highly likely she's chosen us to be her forever home.  And we're not likely to not to let her have her way. The little princess most assuredly is a keeper.  So, this is all pretty much why I chose to get back into the swing of blogging again near Father's Day.  Admittedly, knowing full well that I'd keep my tribute to my dad up, giving him his just dues, until sometime after the Fourth of July.

I could elaborate about the five weeks surrounding Dad's passing, blended in with other events that happened over my lifetime during the month of June.  And why it was good for me to begin again with built in break right away.  Rather than going full throttle, the short version is that I really like the month June tons.  It's just changed a lot for me and has become chock full of memories over the years.  Some I keep close to my heart they're that special, while others I filter out deliberately.  The filtering is a tad taxing during this five week period.  I have always been happy about being born in June.  The date couldn't have been more perfect.  It was especially fun while a child and teen, because it came a couple of weeks after school let out for the summer and right before the day we celebrate out nation's birthday.  In many respects, that was a lifetime ago.  My life is so incredibly different now.  The contrasts are surreal to me at times, however, that me -- the teen -- the child still resides on the inside of me.  As well as the young adult trying to make her own way, does, too.  She gives me strength, while the younger versions help me remain forever tapped into the little things in life that cause me to burst out in spontaneous laughter when no one else is around.  She's also the sky and cloud watcher that keeps me grounded.  See if you can make sense, of that!

My birthday has become a day I can't get excited about, nor look forward to for a number of reasons, and truth be known, excuses, too.  More or less, I look forward to getting "it" behind me, because in 2004, I lost my dad the next day.  So, being human, I attach the loss to "it", as thankful as I am that he finally went home be with the Lord after being declared brain dead almost three weeks before.  Suffice it to say, I got through "it" again this year.  No worse for wear, in fact, for the better!  What a deal.  Honestly, it was all a part of God's plan, in my mind.  I give Him the glory.

How do I know?  I know because this year was a bit easier than the past three.  Since things with dad, it's become a five week period where at the end of it, I feel like I need to shake the dust off of myself before I can think forward, much less move forward.  It's a time each year when I like and crave distractions.  Although my thought life goes in other directions, because I force it to, my spirit and heart still feel it the entire time.  The don't move much.

But, this time, God helped me via a few friends unbeknownst to them.  Or, maybe they did know and heard God whispering in their collective ears and heart of hearts that Jeanne needed a little help to push through.  Whatever, they surely jumped in and reached my way, whether they were aware of it, or not they helped to push some dark clouds away.

God puts people in your life when you need them to varying degrees.  When He does the selecting "for you" one common bond reveals another, and perhaps, another, and another.  And so forth.  Then, there are times, the chosen person may barely have a thing in common.  That's not unusual.  That's when God really works His particular brand of heavenly magic.  The real stuff.  He's been opening the floodgates with me recently, I only hope that I'm touching others, too, reaching back, or in another direction, as He desires.  Hoping it isn't all not directed my way.

I'll only name one, the one with the photo credits, but to give a tiny glimpse of how many "people blessings" I've received, recently, I'll describe just a few.

One is from long ago.  She didn't actually remember me at first, yet we've picked up ironically where we left off.  We see nature similarly and have a love for history, cool artifacts, and vintage photos.  We love hearing stories and sharing stories.  She's reaching others in sharing amazing snipets of time and sparking wonderful memories.  Another, I saw only in passing at our old high school.  She was just a year ahead of me.  Yet, now has become our appointed time to get to know each other.  We lift each other up in prayer, and boost each other's days at times when the other doesn't even know it.  We love photography and portion of our hearts are owned by a particular beach, bay and all of the beauty that lies within the village atmosphere of the area.  One our favorite eating places, doesn't exist any longer.  But, she captured a spectacular shot from the venue, that I not only recognized, but hold in my heart and mind's eye.  I'm finding many of my friends or acquaintances share the same memories.  Just at different times and experienced with different people, or the same people I knew, just at different times.  That's hugely interesting to me.  And another whole topic all together.  Sounds complex, but it really isn't.   

Another friend, I met out of the blue on Facebook very soon after I joined.  She reached out to me from the glorious Pacific Northwest when she read I was challenged by the effects of Epilepsy.  Talk about a bright light in a person's day.  Oh my!  She loves animals and Springers and has a heart for the sick and hurting.  She makes differences in the lives of cancer patients and the lives of their families daily.  Not an easy task, but she's answered the calling God put on her life to be a nurse.  Another, a sister blogger, saw pink clouds one evening and not only thought of me, but took photos to share with me.  You can find Gigi, right here on Blogger In the Throne Room.  Right out of the blue!  She's gone through much the past couple of years and then some, but her spirit remains strong, even though, she admits her fragility.  She's quite often the first to give a good word on various forums and of course, FaceBook.  I could describe others, but this is just hint of how God can touch people through the net.  For someone like me, who is pretty much homebound, it's been amazing, and literally refreshes my days. 

My other steadfast friends were there, too.  Some with just simple Happy Birthday wishes on my Facebook to let me know they were thinking of me, knowing what I was dealing with on the inside.  One in particular, we lost our dads back to back and share some rather unique and multi-facted common bonds.  We may not be in contact daily, but we're still there and always will be.  For me, that's very reassuring.  And yet another, I share a cool texting friendship with, much in part due to our love of Springers.  That was the first tie.  Since then I've enabled the dear girl into life beyond tea bags, into gourmet and loose tea, with a tad bit of WEN and Philosophy on the side and some OPI teal polish.  Oh, and a most special my partner in crime.  You know who you are!  Days without you would be boring and possibly less springy!

Everyone needs "go to" people for a good word, encouragement, or to vent to at times.  If not, a person better breathe on a mirror to see if they're breathing!  Even with God and friends, life has it's ups and downs.  Much boils down to perspective and focusing thoughts and actions in positive ways.  Me, I'm not a person that asks for help, or calls someone to chat about negatives.  More or less, I deal, but God's let me know, I'm not dealing all by myself by any means.  I may be isolated in the small area where we live, but I'm not alone.  My birthday this year helped me learn this.  The wishes I received on Facebook, honestly, blew me away and they helped to make my day.  A day, I more comfortable usually forgetting. I could really go off on a bunny trail here, but will save it for another day.  See, yet another direction I want to go one day.

Back to the friends...

I've also reconnected with some very significant family member like friends from my past, all the way back to age four.  My very first best friend!  My best girlfriends at Chesapeake Beach, too.  It's astounding with each reconnection, how easy it is to pick up right where we left off decades later.  But, then again, it makes perfect sense.  Foundations for good friendship aren't built over years and years.  The years and years are just the icing on the cake.  Then, there have been the reconnections where our feet literally walked in the same steps down "my" Avenue, meaning Lauderdale at Chesapeake Beach.  The end near the Amphib base along Chubb Lake.  I would gander to guess we've walked in each other's foot steps in the sand even, but just so happens we were never aware of it, until recently.  And there are several of us who sat on the same rocks, never really knowing who each other were. 

One in particular is...

Chip, known as Roketman on Wordpress authors the blog The Pine Ridge Philospher and also in tandem authors Virginia Through My Lense as Rocket Man, here on Blogger.  He  took some of the most beautiful photos of my "rocks of solitude" during a trip back home to Virginia Beach.  For many of my old and new friends from Cox High, that means Chesapeake Beach, or Chic's Beach.  Some believe they're the same, but for locals, they're not.  Close kin, true... and the two combined have the uncanny ability to connect and reconnect kindred spirits.  Chip not only shared his photos with me that zapped me back in time in my own personal time machine to the late 60s and early 70s, but he actually dedicated a blog post to me.  The rocks worked their magic and brought him back to his sandy flip flop free Chesapeake Beach roots again.  Like they always have for me.  And even though I see the physical rocks rarely in my several to many years in between visits, I can see them easily and as vividly, as if it were only yesterday.  The route is through my heart to my mind.  Now, I have gorgeous photos at my disposal that I can look at again and again, and take that trip any ole time I want.  What could be more fun?  Only being there in person.  What else?

With that, I'm about to tie this off here so I can end with a breathtaking sunset over the rocks.  My rocks, as seen and captured by Chip through his view finder.  Notice that there is no wire strung between the old posts.  That's a great image and analogy of what's missing or damaged in my brain.  There are still frayed wires and new connections that need to be created from point A to point B in essence to complete my circuitry.  When I write.  When I take photos.  When I process photos.  I can tell much more work needs to be done.  So, I'm going to begin visualizing my brain as the fence portion next to my beloved rocks, and through imagery, I'm going rewire it.  I've tried to do similar visualizing a brain.  But, yuck!  Honestly it's not a fun image, nor one I can hold onto.  The rocks are a way different story.  The image is already embedded in my brain, and easily accessible.  On to my rocks...

And now I find myself in the place where I have an abundance of "stuff" I want to share.  Writing makes the words flow and the brain begin to tick.  Thoughts, photos, things my husband and I have done recently all want out of my head.  As well, as stories about my three Springers, Chance, Sydney, and Summer, and our new little foster, Roxy.  Also, information I want put out there on what I consider downright evil groups like PETA.  Or, in their case, just take a stand against them via my blog.  I'm always and forever writing in my head.  There's poetry there, too.  And even bouts of phoetry.  My blog laundry list also contains news about ways the Lord has been dealing with and speaking to me.  Mostly via my devotions, and of late, through several very special friends He's put into my life.  Stuff I've been writing in my head.   But for now, I'm outta here!  Next stop, Hamlet!

             All photo credits in this blog entry go to Chip Allen 

1 comment:

Rocket Man said...

Thank you, Jeanne, not just for featuring me in this blog but for asking me to get a few shots of the rocks for you. That request had me going back several times while we were home to get just the right shot. It also inspired me to think back on just what that place means to me and how best to capture and convey those feelings. Many memories came flooding back, mostly happy but a few sad,but I left there with a smile on my face and my soul recharged. Once again, thank you.