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Saturday, March 21, 2009

Clarity.... 9s and 3s...

My words aren't flowing easily this a.m. so bear with me. I've many directions to go into. I started this at 4:59 a.m. although I began writing it in my head at 4:00 a.m. I don't know what it is about 4:00 a.m. but over and over I hear stories from people with "neuro" stuff that 4:00 a.m. is an interesting time for them. Maybe one day... I make a blog entry about it. But, not today...

Today, there's an ESRA Springer get together outside of Raleigh, an hour and 20 or so from us that we need to attend. Not feeling so hot today... but, it's something I've looked forward to all week. Well, for several weeks now, actually. Our Springers are all bathed, thanks to their dad, not groomed, but ready to go. I'll brush their ears on the way. Both Chance and Sydney need the socialization. He's old. She's a pup. Yet, they're unique little individuals with unique personalities. We've a killer cake to bring (multiple thin layers of yellow cake with Hershey's Cocoa fudge icing -- a Southern delicacy for those who have never tried one -- looking forward to a slice of it). Plus, I need to get a break from my daily non-routine. And, my husband needs a break from the stress he's under.

He stays busy busy busy busy helping both me and helping care for my homebound mother (fortunately she lives in the same neighborhood on the property behind us). He's the one that has to fill in the gaps because there are things I can do and can't. Days I can go and can't. Each day is different for me. Often, I'm in the middle somewhere. He also helps his mother, too. In fact traveled the hour there yesterday to spend some quality time with her. He mowed her grass. She fixed lunch. Then, they ran some errands. While they were out she told him an amazing story... one he hadn't heard before. It was about when she got "saved" at 17 at a tent revival. They driven right by the field... I guess it jogged her memory. Sometimes memories need cues, I've learned, which I'll elaborate a little bit more on in a moment.

Back to my husband for a few first... although he adores his "now" job as a Deputy Sheriff, even though there's some "set" schedule time, his schedule still varies. His hours go up and down like crazy. And, during off hours he's on call 24/7. For us, though... it's no biggie. It's the life of a cop. And, the life of a cop's wife. To me, both are callings... that is if the cop has the character and work ethic my cop has... the dedication and drive. Such an excellent man. His nature is that of a Teddy Bear, yet his instincts are of a Marine... the kid he was at 19 walking point in Viet Nam... the kid who enlisted and didn't get his dream to become an artist, even though he had a scholarship. I'm hoping one day he'll pick up that new sketch pad and pencil I encouraged him to buy and draw a picture for me of Sydney and Chance. Sydney's eyes, are wild like mine and big... since her face is almost all black I think she'd be an easy first draw. He's already so good at snapping photos of her. So hoping he'll read this and surprise me one day... like he did with the photos and the cds yesterday. Take the hint. Oh, and the cake!!! Perfect timing on that one, because I've not felt well enough to cook this week, much less make anything special for the get together today -- and you know that's not the used to be Jeanne.

Soooooo......... Springers... hubby... and me... need to have some fun today!!! And, there's nothing more fun fun fun, enjoyable nor healthy, than to be around a bunch of Springers and their humans. My ESRA readers, are all agreeing with me. Their Springer loves are woofing, too... in agreement.

But... time to move on to 9s and 3s......... back to "MRI" day. When I was taken to the dressing room, I noticed I'd been given locker number 9, but lock number 3 was on the door. I notice numbers a lot... it's something I believe I picked up from my grandfather (he could add mulitple columns across and down in his head... easy like... but instead of figuring from the far right column working left, he did it the other way around. Meaning he worked left to right, but more or less saw the answer in his head). At one time, I could do similarly... not huge columns like he could, although I never tested it... I believe the potential was indeed there a long time ago, I just never developed it. My dad was able to do some wild things with numbers, too. So, I believe I naturally look at numbers and try to find patterns in many things because of it, although I'm not into numerology one little bit.

Anyway... the side tracks I take to get to where I place I want to go. Oy!

That 9 and 3 on my locker and lock were so unique that Kerry, the MRI tech, actually came into check to see if the gal that had escorted me to the dressing room and assigned the locker to me had marked it down correctly. In fact, when I explained to her what my camera was all about, Kerry even suggested I take a photo of it, because it was so unique. I actually wondered to myself if she was testing me... if it was part of the MRI test, to see if I'd notice. Of course, I did ~ LOL! Signs, words and numbers always jump out at me. I'm a little rusty at it right now, but they still do.

Well, my mind had already started pondering the 9 and 3 thing. And, what it did was help relieve any worries I had in the MRI machine. I wasn't afraid of that thing anyway. The only thing I don't care for are the sounds they use to perform the various levels of testing. I have no problem being still and/or quiet. Seriously!! And, I know how to calm my breathing, yet remember to breathe at the same time. Plus, Kerry put a washcloth around my forehead, and used some type of gauze to tie my head to the soccer helmet part of the machine. I focused on two things during my time in that machine. What combos of 9 and 3 I could come up with, as well as their meaning to me...

......the the digital "count down" clock that was either on the wall behind Kerry, or a reflection in the glass -- which it was, I'm not sure of at the moment. But, it helped me to count the time during each interval of testing, while I pondered those numbers and watched the red count down numbers go by. Actually, they flashed a bit before the count down began. Didn't really bother me -- I don't think because they were so far away and weren't bright in the least.

......the test was a breeze, the only part I didn't care for and didn't experience in my prior MRI taken in 2006 was the sound of the ringing phone. I may be wrong, but as I remember back I believe the "phone" part lasted around 7 minutes over all. The sound of ringing phones connects back to my career. Every job I've ever had... a phone has been my appendage. As much as I don't care for the sound of unanswered ringing phones... my impulse is not necessarily to pick it up, unless I'm prepared to talk. In fact I did a huge amount of telephone training in my old career -- trained many people the last year and a half on my job... much of my time was devoted to it in the midst of a gazillion other things I multi-tasked in my office. Or, while traveling up and down the road as I did extremely often. Btw... I was excellent on the phone. One of the best.

So, the 9 and 3 connects... the only one I'll share here (and there are quite a few).
But, the important memory (at least to me) didn't make its way to the surface until the last day or two. Sometimes it takes awhile. Sometimes I need a cue of some sorts -- a trigger or two or three. When I was 28, back in the Spring of 1982 I was in a terrible car accident. A single car accident. I was driving. Had a passenger with me. Hit a curve on a wet road late at night a little too fast. I didn't have my seat belt on, thankfully. I know that sounds strange to say, but had my sister's car been equipped with a seat belt, she'd very likely be alive today because of it. Traumatic brain injury was the cause of her death. The anniversary of which, was just this past week.

Anyway..... whew!!! Because I wasn't tied in my seat (like my head was in that MRI machine) I rolled with the crash, over to the other side of the car, and actually cushioned my passenger. However, I had a nasty blow to the left side of my head. Yep, I'd forgotten all about it. Other stuff, too... but no need to go into, except to say... that more than one miracle took place that night and over the course of the next few days. When I went back to see my car a few days later, I couldn't believe I walked away. Nor could anyone else who saw it. The entire roof over my driver's seat was crushed in. Although my head took a blow on the left side, the right side of me took the rest. More I could add to that, but won't. This is already way too long. What I will say... is that I see big and small miracles... and then HUGE ones... me walking away from that wreck, was indeed a miracle. Much happened in my life in 1982 and 1983 and whether it was deliberate or not, some of that stuff was blocked. I've clarity now, or the bulk of it.

History has a way of repeating itself... coming back to one's memory. Sometimes so much so... it's like living it again. But since it has to work it's way out... like it does in my brain these days... it's sort of like in reverse. I needed that 9 for clarity. It has special meaning to me. Plus, when you add up my birth year 1953... depending upon the way one looks at it 1+5+3 = 9... the 2nd number. Took me awhile to see that 9 for the memories to surface. Although I'm full of faith... things must make sense to me. I want to understand everything and everyone......... badly. True, I over think at times... yet, am more than willing to give myself a break (other's, too).

Do I see miracles around every corner... maybe yes, maybe no... but do I expect to see them... anticipate their arrival, yes!!!

Back then, the technology wasn't what it is today. We still wrote handwritten notes. There were no cell phones, but there were mobile phones. Big chunky ones and to have one, plus pay for the service was out of reach for most. And, the service... well, there hardly was any. Today we have "smart" phones that do email, surf the net, play music, games, take and display
photos... there are apps from here to Kingdom come for us to choose from. Phones can be used to set off bombs... I've seen it before in movies. There's everything from "touch screen" nowadays to "normal" cell phones like I have that aren't fully loaded. I spend too much time on my computers as it is, much less be wired up when I get the opportunity, like today, to be out of the house. So, I don't run fully loaded. But, I'm hoping and praying with all of the advances in technology... that more research will be done... that it'll all transfer over to finding a cure for Epilepsy and Seizure Disorders, as well as treatment for traumatic Brain Injuries... that more and more advancements will be made in medicine, such as cancer.

To the woman I heard about today from one of my best friends ever... and to his dear mother... I'm praying for you both. That "C" word is a scary thing. Don't limit God's power -- claim your healing. See the manisfestation of it in your mind. See yourself healed... free of the "C". It's already yours... Isaiah 53:5. Notice the word "are", okay?

Instead of a photo of anything relevant, I'm going to post a pic of an old "rescued" horse my husband helps feed and his buddy. MSG is the horse (and no I'm one of the rare few who don't get headaches when I eat Chinese or other food with MSG -- amazingly!!!) and Crawford is the name of the mule. There was a time a couple of years ago when my husband felt led to read the Bible to those two critters. It was a crazy thing to do... but that's what he believed he should do. I cheered him on, too!! Wondered then, if I'd ever possibly feel led to do something out of the box -- ummmm... nutty. He told me one day Crawford would probably gallup over to him in heaven and say... "hey, Steve... thanks for reading your Bible to me... even though I was deaf I could hear you... it was a great thing you did for me and MSG and I've never forgotten it!" If donkeys can talk on earth, I suspect mules will have a voice in heaven, too. ;)

Crawford is around 30... he's precious! He'll be talking to Steve
one day in heaven, I just know it.

MSG is 28 or thereabouts he was a "Cutter" horse and his life wasn't fun for a long long time. Now, he spends his days doing whatever he wants to do, but he's still imprinted from his past. Very afraid of most people. It took my husband many months to get close to him... a feat he accomplished though with a few carrots and some patience. Crawford was easier... he loves carrots and apples -- made friends with us right away -- easily.

So... for the two ladies I mentioned above... if you feel led to do something a bit odd, maybe a wee over the top... do it. Whether it's part of your healing process... it will be good for your spirit. And, if you're not already doing so... reach out to another in need to help them. Even if you don't know them. I did the other day, and a truly wonderful thing happened to me.

To my dear friend mentioned above... at one time all the gals at our old home office, back when Susan was there thought I favored Lesley Ann Warren, not Meredith Baxter Birney. Hey, I just look like Jeanne. Gave me a laugh though... you did with that one!! Big hugs to you, dear. And, thanks for always calling me "dear". I could be your momma, and I've always thought that was such a sweet thing for you to call me. You are one of my "constants".

I need to get myself presentable to travel up the road to spend a day with Springers and humans... and cake. I love cake! Will come back to add links and labels and fix boo boos...


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