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Friday, March 13, 2009

"Deep water faith in the shallow water..."

It's a line from Casting Crown's... Somewhere in the Middle...

And... my favorite line because I've spent much time in and on the water while growing up, so it's an easy visual for me. Not only because of my time on the water but due to an experience. Part of which I'll only share here... trust me, the hard part of that day, I'm keeping to myself. Still so vivid and it was tough on my mother, too.

First, please forgive me, because I know I said I wasn't going to say anything else about myself until I get through my upcoming MRI tomorrow and consult, but there's no avoiding it. When I feel prompted to share... to write... I must. Hey, it's my blog anyway, yes?

Now... "deep water faith in the shallow water" why does this mean something to me? It very well could be that one of the reasons I have seizures today. When I was just a girl of fourteen I was hit on the back of my head with a broken cinder block one day when I was standing about mid-waist deep in the Chesapeake Bay. For any of my readers from back home in Virginia Beach -- I was near the Amphib Base side on the other side of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel from Chick's Beach. Quite near the rocks.

In the summer growing up on Lauderdale Avenue, the Cheapeake Beach was the place to be!! Often I'd spend part of my day on Lake Chubb behind our house (although our house really fronted the lake) while the other part, I spend on the beach enjoying every bit of it possible. There were a few of us that would hang out with each other day. It was heaven! Side track -- sorry... I still miss it and in my mind see it as if it were yesterday... and in my heart, remember it that way, too.

Anyway, a girl friend, another year around resident, was just fooling around and had found a big piece of broken cinder block and didn't realize how far she could throw. Tossed it straight at me she did over something to do with my boyfriend. Whatever! If you read this Bobbi, I forgave you back then, so don't sweat it. Hug.

Well, I saw it coming, and had the presence of mind to turn around so it wouldn't hit me in the eye. Instead, it struck me in the middle of the right side of the back of my head. The dent is still there! To this day! And, at times, even after all of these years it still hurts... stings at times... then other times, it's a dull to sharp stabbing pain. No further visual or description required for the rest of that day and evening.

The really excellent news though, is that I was standing in shallow water not quite waist deep, so my boyfriend at the time could buzz through the water to me, rather than swim. And, I didn't go under the water all the way... although I was sorely dazed at the time, I didn't go fully unconscious. More than a couple miracles I had that day, if you ask me. I've had several over my lifetime, I do believe, so I know what one is... could share them all, but what would I have to write about later after Project Rewire is completed? LOL

Somewhere in the middle is where I find myself often of late...

Today it was whether to have a Peanut Butter Milkshake or eat a Panini with some Chips and a Ginger Ale. It was such a dilemma. Food always is for me, because I love food. Give me a menu and I either panic or look at it for days. Three items I don't want to see are turtle soup, catfish or game of any kind!!! Tried turtle soup years ago. Hated it because I had turtles as pet growing up and discover them along my path often... same thing with game, just love nature too much and had bunnies as pets, deer visit our yard frequently... and catfish, well, they have whiskers and remind me of my kitties. I caught many out of my backyard on Lake Chubb while growing up. Always pulled the hook out and tossed them back in... and in the event one swallowed a hook, a couple of friends I grew up with at Chesapeake Beach (boys) we always did hookendectomies to try to save the fish. Back on track... I'd not eaten much today and didn't want to kick myself into a sugared up state. I decided it was best to go with part of an enormous Italian Panini (from the Fresh Market) that I shared with my husband. He got 2/3s of it and I got 1/3. But! I also bought two cookies. A big crunchy Peanut Butter cookie and soft pillow sugar cookie with brownie as the middle pillow part. Of course, I gave 2/3s of each to my husband. But the PB cookie was pretty big, so I had plenty. Kinda wished I'd gone for that shake though! They always make me happy and what I adore about PB milkshakes is a can't drink them so fast because they're so dreamy creamy thick!

Living with Epilepsy -- with 24/7 neuro activity -- is much like living somewhere in the middle. I'm not the me I want to be... I spend much time remembering (temporal lobe issues) and when I'm not remembering... I'm trying to remember certain things... my immediate is shot to heck right now... my short term is better... my past from excellent to the hardest moments of my life are hardwired in. And, unless one lives with this stuff... it's hard to understand. For those of you... close that I love and know so well... those I don't know, but read, or maybe just stumbled upon my blog... God's and my Project Rewire... thank you for the moments you've spent here reading about my journey and viewing my photos. Even if was only a line or two, or a shot of my miracle puppy. I thank you. Lavender border around the youtube looks yucky, but it's for Epilepsy Awareness Month.

P.S. My router, I just purchased in November konked out today. Hoping to return it for a replacement tomorrow. And, my AOL email has been acting crazy, so if you've sent something to me recently and I've not responded, or I told you I was sending something to you and you've not gotten it... you know the resons. Family... you know me and I'll get back to you eventually either way!


Gigi said...

Greetings this evening from Virginia Beach, Jeanne! **did I know you were from Vz. Bch? Can't remember if we've had that conversation!**

I'm so glad that cinder block didn't do you in...looking forward to the miracle in your future!

Casting Crowns has always been a favorite group for my hubby and me...we've seen them in concert many times and each time was a blessing. I'm grateful for those memories even more now...

Always Smiling said...


Thank you for posting these videos, they are truly speaking to me and I need it badly. I am in a place in the middle and scared.

I love you

ppcjeanne said...

Yep, we've had the Virginia Beach conversation, but you've had much going on with the loss of your wonderful husband. Just seeing his face in your Blogger photo makes me tear up.

No kidding about that cinder block! I'm looking forward to my next "new" miracle...

Casting Crowns is one of my fave groups, too. Their music has been extremely helpful and healing to me. Every song carries a special message, doesn't it?

One day when I get back home for a few days (which I've been trying to do for the past few months,)we must hook up to finally meet in person.

God bless you for stopping by and faithful encouragement. Means much to me! Jeanne

ppcjeanne said...

To Always Smiling... will continue to plug more in, so when you need a boost, you know where to come. Posting one especially for you to have in the a.m. Emailing you, too -- so you can see it before church.

Love you muchly...