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Saturday, March 7, 2009

Going back to Autumn for a few... remembering...

A hike!!! But, I'm going to go all over the place to get there first. LOL

I've several blog entries I've wanted to post, yet the last couple of days have been "interesting"... that's a nice way to say I've had a bit more neuro activity than usual. Good stress and both bad stress can bring such activity on. Such a bummer when it comes to the excellent stress! However, I've learned when those times come, it's better just to be still, rather than do my normal routine of pushing past it. Pushing past can cause more damage when one is like me and seizures aren't under control. There's a fine line between knowing what's best and what's not best. How far to push. And, when not to. Not thrilled about it, but that's the way it is.

I'm trying to use wisdom, yet I know I need more. (Something I need to write on my whiteboard left handed... "God, please bless me with more wisdom and sensitivity"... and I will as soon as I finish posting this...) I've discovered on days when I have lots of energy I can do tons of stuff to take advantage of it. But, then there is usually a payback and I may find myself in slo-mo for a couple of days afterwards. Add the pesky side effects of Anti Epilepsy Drugs, it can be oy-veying! But!! As long as progress is being made, though... who cares?

I do my best to follow through on my commitments. With those that take me out of the house, I do a MUCH better job of it. Historically, I always come through. But, when it comes to the stuff around the house... not so. This happens when there are items I need to send my sister or niece, or both. Package sits around. Fortunately, they understand. I believe a good part of that has to do with living quasi home bound. I don't have the freedom at the moment to run my own errands because I don't experience typical warning signals... auras. I'd pray to ask God for auras, but it just feels counterproductive to Project Rewire. Once totally independent, now dependent is a pain in the rear.

Not whining... just sharing this so others living with atypical Epilepsy will know there's another person that *gets* it. (And, for those who don't have it, but may know someone that does have it, it may help with the understanding part. For other readers who aren't touched by the disease... it'll give you a glimpse of why attention needs to be called to the disease. You just don't know how much I don't like talking about myself or the condition, but determined it's a must. At least from my perspective, it is.)

My mother is home bound and has been for years and years. She tells me not to let it bother me... that her home has become a place of peace for her. I keep reminding her, that she's 89 and I'm just 55 (yes, true, that is old to some of my readers, but I still feel young so it kinda complicates things for me). There's much I want to do... I've a list a mile long. I'd like to be a "hands on" volunteer with ESRA, not that I'm not happy being a mom to two rescue Springers and two rescue kitties, I'd simply like to do more. I've felt it so much with the recent River Valley Puppy Mill English Springer Rescue America rescue efforts. I've even felt an urge when missionaries have come to our church last year, two in particular. One from Guatemala. He and his family are literally seeing miracles there. The other builds churches or restores old buildings to churches in Russia! Felt the nudge, but I'm caught up in the how to's. Yet, I know that's a calling not everyone gets... if it's meant to be... God will heal me and put me on the path... if not, supporting smaller mission efforts is the way to go for the time being.

I'd also like to be more hands on in my church activities. My husband and I worked with our teens this past fall. Those teens inspired me so, I felt such a connect with them. One gal in particular. She has really become an inspiration to me. Literally has a prayer closet in her home. Amazing!! She is only 14! I realized in observing her, God didn't ask us to lead the group for them, it was for me. To minister to me. Thank you, God... for doing that for me. It helped me not to be so intimidated by speaking out loud in front of a group again. Never knowing if my words will come out right has been a struggle for me, but it began turning around in speaking to these teens. He was preparing me for something else I recently did and didn't believe I was capable of. Still don't... yet I opened my mouth and there it went.

Physically, of late, neuro activity has escalated quite a bit, and there are other things going on... like we all have, so we felt it best to give it up. As much as I try, I'm not the most reliable person on the planet these days... Epilepsy dictates my daily life at times. Such an annoyance to someone who was extremely independent... yet, I know... being pretty much home bound has led me to seek shelter with the Lord... it's given me alone time so the Holy Spirit, the one who indwells inside of me... c
an work on me. It's given me time for ground work to be done... so the healing that I know is mine... will be manifested. I use the time to turn my face to the wall and listen two my two favorite albums... All That Is Within Me and Spoken For both by Mercy Me. Their music really ministers to me, and since for some unknown reason reading words on paper doesn't quite work now like it used to, it's the method I use to get the Word into me. Listening to music get's the left side of the brain working... and I feel it happening to mine. I receive encouragement from their music, too. Inspiration and even borrow some of their lyrics to use in my prayer life. I even try to go to sleep listening to their music. For those of us who are faith filled believers... thank God we believe in a God who heals... and thank God for faith filled believers who love and care for us... the ones who pray for us. It gives us hope... which puts feet to our faith. For anyone reading who may not be a believer. God loves you, too. He just wants to hear from you... He's always listening... just like someone who really cares about you does.

Sometimes people are healed immediately when they ask God for healing... with others it's a journey... I believe with my whole heart, I'm on that journey... on the path right now. Through God's grace... it will manifest one day and until then, He's also giving me the grace to be thankful for condition that's helped me get closer to him. It's not a condition I'm enduring... I'm living life in spite of it! Just with very interesting twists and turns... but undeniably research is needed big time for all of us. Again of the 3 million living in the United States with Epilepsy, 2 million experience life with uncontrolled seizures. I'm merely 1 of them.

So... about that trestle hike last Autumn... the day was incredible!!! It was in the 70s. Gorgeous!! The colors were amazing this past Fall not just here but everywhere on the planet, I betcha!

I've gotten back to some of my family roots of late... my railroad family roots. There's a story my mother has told me all of my life about a railroad trestle in West Virginia, an event that occurred that scared her so badly, she's never forgotten. Each time she shares it, one can't help but be right there with her. Well, there's an old railroad trestle in our county that goes across the Pee Dee River. It's an ancient trestle. And, both my husband and I wanted to see it close up. It's hard to imagine how such vulnerable structures can carry the weight of a huge train. Not just one... but many cross this particular trestle every single day in both directions! There will be more coming about this trestle... it's become one of my fave places here and one I want to photograph as the seasons change. (But, not during the summer because it's snakey!) Don't do snakes! Milkshakes, yes!

We weren't sure how far off the road we'd have to hike the rails to get there, so we Google Earthed it. If any of my readers have never used Google Earth, you simply must. You can literally fly to anywhere in the world on that thing! My cousin in VIrginia calls it a tar baby... his advice to me before we ever used it was not to download it unless one has hours to spare, 'cause one will find oneself flying everywhere. Ha! He was right, too.

Well, we checked it out and it appeared to be only about a mile and a half hike to the trestle. In -- not round trip. Quite doable in one afternoon. We had a marvelous time. I'd been kind of stuck in the house for a few days and wow, to get outside on such a lovely day, was downright thrilling. The colors as I mentioned above were like an artist's canvas. The sounds of nature... the birds, crickets, wind in the trees, Hitchcock Creek in the background, as well as the Pee Dee River up ahead of us just made for the best "natural" music.

Also, during our journey there and back, six trains came by! Oh man!!! Talk about a rush!!! It was marvelous!!! Of course, I had my camera with me (still only had my little zoomy one then) and it just so happens it has a sweet little video feature on it. In all, I videoed six trains that afternoon! It was so exciting and uplifting to me. I realized trains... the experience of and videoing them close up was much for me, like flying in our powered parachute ultralight contraption is for my husband. Such a rush to take shots 10 feet away, sitting on the ground. Every part of me could feel the trains. I made sure to tell my husband... now this is a biggie for those of you who may not know anything about trains... don't listen to the engine... listen to the rails. As each car passes, each has a different sound, depending upon its load, if there is a load, if it's an open car or closed. Also, the sound changes as it passes... the middle of a train as it passes sounds different than the beginning... and the end, is my favorite. It jingles. It's squeaky. It kinda hurts the ears, but it's music to my ears, because I made many trips back and forth on passenger trains as a kid from Virginia where I grew up to Hamlet, NC where my grandparents and uncle lived. We were always in the last car... it was called the Tidewater car. Both my grandfather and uncle were railroad men and dedicated their lives to it. During most trips I was with my mother, but a few super special ones, it was just myself and my wonderful grandfather. The end of a train sounds always brings me back to my times with him. To all of our family reunions here special times with my family...

On to the slide shows... there will be two. And one day, maybe with some encouragement, I'll share a couple videos. When you view my photos, they'll change after the first few. I found the hi-def 16:9 setting on my camera! Yay! That's one of those, once you find that setting, it's hard to go back to normal. There is also a third trestle slide show when we started to hike to the trestle from the other side of the Pee Dee River... it began to rain, so we didn't make it, but caught some pretty photos and will share soon. When you view the slide shows check out the curves of the rails and the sunlight reflecting through the trees and off the rails. Try to listen for nature... birds... crickets... a creek in the background and all of a sudden there's a train less than 100 feet away. A few toots of the whistle and they're on top of you... without the horn you'd never hear them... often times due to the wind and surrounding sounds they're stealth... anyone who is used to being around trains can tell you... you feel them first! So, don't go photographing trains or videoing them unless you use caution! My husband found himself in the middle of the trestle when one was approaching... almost one of those I told you so things. LOL

Thanks for reading to all of you I know personally. Mind you, there are more than a few of you! And thank you to those of you who've just begun to follow my blog or are new FaceBook friends... God Bless... :)

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